92 Bottles of Beer

When we bought the beer brewing kit at our local HBS, we were all told, "First you are cleaners, then you are brewers." We laughed at the subtle implications of this statement. We were so ready to brew that nothing else really seemed to matter.

Oh boy.

Brewing a great batch of beer is all about keeping it clean. Everything that comes into contact with the wort and beer must be sanitized, and not just dish washed, but soaked in PLC, rinsed, and then soaked in Idophor. Allegedly, any impurities can create an off-flavor a beer, even the oils from your fingers...Of course, for a darker, "dirtier" ale, like the ones we will most likely be making, this probably has a subtle effect, but depending, you can ruin a batch of beer. Our first batch of beer had a slightly sour tinge to it and I can't help but to think that it may be contamination related.

It takes some patience for this process. Sanitizing a carboy, for example, takes 30 minutes, with stirs every five. Every time we test for specific gravity (about 4-5 times), the racking cane (a giant hollow straw used to pipette beer from the carboy into testing tubes) must be sanitized and protected with our lives.

To date, there was no process as tedious and time consuming as preparing bottles for bottling...

The first part is fun. Grab a few 24 packs (of if you go to Costco, the Sam Adams 28 pack!), grab some good buddies and brewing teams, and drink...If you don't care about the shape of the bottle, there are only two stipulations.

1. The bottles must be pop tops...no screw tops. Since carbonation occurs in the bottle, the bottle cap needs a little extra support. A screw top evidently can't contain the pressure! If you notice, a lot of craft brewers also use pop tops. There was a show on Discovery that followed brewers. It just so happened to follow one of my top five breweries: DogfishHead. DogfishHead feels so strongly about pop tops that they decided not to release an entire batch of their Punkin ale because they had accidentally ordered screw-top bottles and couldn't guarantee that their product would have the quality standards that they believe their beer can only be consumed at.

2. The bottles must be brown. Ever wonder why Corona tastes like urine? Or why Heineken always tastes skunked? Sunlight destroys beer. It only takes a few moments in the sun for some beers to go bad. Just imagine: a distributor is stocking your local grocery and leaves a few cases of beer in the sun for a brief moment...all of a sudden, you may be drinking skunky beer. Now, if your motive is to G.F.U. then maybe this doesn't matter...but for those of us who love our beer and cherish ourselves, just drink from darker bottles and save yourself the heartache.

So between my cohorts and I, we have managed to collect 92, brown, pop-top, bottles of beer. Now what? The words echoed in my head..."First you're a cleaner, then your a brewer"...

For those who may be interested in home brewing for themselves some day, I've listed bottles of beer by the ease that their labels comes off, starting with the best and easiest. You can laud us for our quality of beer drinking later...

1. Samuel Adams: this label comes off very cleanly. After soaking for a bit, the glue pretty much rubs right off!

2. Dechuttes Brewing Company: the glue is a little tackier than Sam Adams, but the labels peel off nicely and the bottle is adorned with little hops along the shoulder of the bottle. It's a nice generic bottle with no advertising. Oh, and you CAN'T GO WRONG with a Dechuttes beer!

3. Widmer: big "W" on the side...

4. Bridgeport: interesting shaped tall bottle, but holds your requisite 12 oz.

5. Sierra Nevada: I call this a "squat" bottle.

5. Kirkland Select: THESE BOTTLES SUCK. The labels were stubborn. If you can finally manage to get all of the labeling off, it's a super generic bottle which is nice...but damn!

"Why not just buy empty bottles?"

Actually, because it costs about the same to drink them...and we like beer. I like to think of us as conscientious recyclers with an ulterior motive.

I'd like to thank my utility sink for making all this possible.